Does it count as the same day if I haven't gone to sleep yet?

Today has been kind of strange. I woke up very early (5.30 is very early for me) and went with JC to the airport where I saw him off. I assume he's arrived safely in Washington, because he hasn't called me. I drove back without incident and listened to his collection of Irish music. For all that it was supposed to be 'Ireland's Greatest Hits', I didn't recognise most of them and the ones that I did recognise were kind of lame. I packed up the last of my stuff from St. T's and drove over to my new home with the CC-Girls. I dropped everything off and wandered through town, picking up and filling out job applications as I went. Oddly enough one of the places I thought about working at had a phone number that didn't work- it was someone's voice mail. I didn't/couldn't leave a message. Just as well, as I later found out. The place in question is _not_ somewhere I could work. And given my current state of desperate joblessness, this is saying something...

Anyway, filled out job applications at other places and eventually came back to do various and sundry useless things (like have tuna for lunch) and around 3 I decided to get some sleep. I woke up again at 6.30 and just had time to get ready for Mass. Yes, you read that right- Mass. 7.00 Trid! It was wonderful to have such a short walk to it!

Then I did more random things and had a very long, very thought provoking conversation with two of my housemates. It was really nice...

So that's why I'm posting this technically a day late. I think it ought to count because I'm still awake at this hour. That makes perfect sense.

Honestly.

And I'll post some more pictures tomorrow, most likely.

Pics from the Memorial Day party!

MW looking good in her summer dress

A rather gruesome lawn ornament I spotted- St. Francis on a bad day?

"Put the camera away and nobody gets hurt."

"Hi Mom!"

"Don't make me use this."

PW found something amusing

So did Reaganite 

K-ski is shocked at my shutter-happy behavior. GS is not. TehMatz is oblivious.

JC is too cool for the camera 

MW got the camera the camera away from me briefly 

Pics from the Procession

The Corpus Christi procession of St. J's makes its way down Main St.

A better shot of the beginning of the procession 

A lot of people from St J's were in the procession. 

Exposition at the Main St. gazebo.

It was really nice. We all made the townies stop and stare at the crazy Catholics. Hopefully some good evangelisation got done!

Pics from a week ago!

PW and GW playing ultimate frisb- err.. ultimate pizza box! 

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a pizza box!

PW gracefully tosses the pizza box!

This pic and the other one are pretty good adverts for Anthony's Pizza, I think. 

More to follow...

Still no pics!

I was really hoping to post pictures today, but MW still isn't feeling well so she hasn't been over here with Rufina. I'm not feeling so great myself- a sort of ears, nose, throat and weird cough thing. I hope it goes away soon. As I mentioned in an earlier post "At least I have my health". I hope I didn't speak too soon.

So... what did I do today? I talked to Chigger and Coriel for a while, which was very nice, got to catch up with them. Then I went into town with B's former roomie PW and applied for a job at the print shop. The lady said that she had fifteen applicants for the job, though she dismissed some of them out of hand. I apparently look younger than 16 because she asked how old I was... That was kind of strange. What else? I followed up on the job at Martin's. That was interesting. Here follows a dialogue-

Me: Hi, I applied for a job here a week and a half ago, I haven't heard anything. 

ShopLady: Oh. What job did you apply for?

Me: The application only let me tick one box, so I ticked 'cashier' because that's what I have experience with, but I'll do ANYTHING.

SL: 'Cause I think they're only hiring baggers right now.

Me: I'll take it.

SL: Write your name, ssn and phone number down and we'll get back to you in a day or two.

What a dumb application! Why couldn't I just put down 'any/all' positions? Argh!

On a plus side, the RPG tonight was fun- for me anyway. I'm not sure about the players...

On a negative side, I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. And there are loads of flies in St. T's because no one believes in shutting doors.

Another point for the plus side- I have my dictionaries on hand so tomorrow I can work on translating a poem. So far all I know about it is that it's probably iambic... I think.

What else? I'm forgetting something, I'm sure.... Argh. Oh well. If I remember it, I'll post it tomorrow, whatever it was. It's really annoying...

Still at loose ends...

Today I woke up late, but this was not terribly important. I spent the day reading fanfic and writing some of my own. And waiting for a phone call. It finally came, about two hours late. I told the lady in Colorado to call between 4-5 EST because I was hoping the house would be quieter- the employed members would all be out of the house. So when she called at 6, everyone was at home, trying to make dinner. I felt awful, asking them all to be quiet so I could have this phone interview at a time that was really inconvenient to them...

And I don't think that the interview went really well either. I told her I was willing to work long hours, despite the fact that most, if not all of my previous experience has been 6 hours or less. What I'm afraid is more of a sticking point is that provided all goes well, I can't stay until the end of August, I have to be overseas. It was sort of difficult trying to explain that all to her, and she's worried she'd have a gap between me coming and the next aupair. She told me she's doing phone interviews all this week and will get back to me on Friday. Just from the short length of our phone conversation and the hesitation she had when I explained about my projected end of August plans, I don't think it went over well.

Job-hunt wise, I'm going on the van run tomorrow, first to drop off some more of my stuff with the CC-Girls and second to check back at Martin's, and the print shop, at least. Especially the print shop. I will tell the woman who owns it that I have little to no experience, but I am reliable, honest and desperate for a job. We'll see what happens.

On a lighter note, there is another session of the RPG tonight, if my other two players show up.

Hopefully I'll be able to post the pics tomorrow- this is one of the disadvantages of having to rely on the digital cameras of one's friends and not having one's own... Oh well. Speaking of cameras, I have about five that I have to get developed if I ever get money again...

On a tangentially related note, I am hoping to head home this Saturday to pick up some stuff to yardsale. I've probably mentioned this before. Prayers all around for a safe round trip and no damage to JC's van...

>goes off to plan the coming game, and a yardsale for the purposes of getting money<

Getting in game!

Well, I still don't have the cookout pictures. I'll hopefully be able to get them up tomorrow, if I can get MW and Rufina to the Student Center at the same time as MacAlister and me... My jumpdrive seems to be missing. This is truly most annoying. I've decided not to move in to with the CC Girls until Wednesday- basically until HK comes back to room with K-ski. Then I'll no longer have a place to sleep. Two things have decided this for me. One, St. T's has a landline, which I will need for my phone interview with the family in Colorado. That's tomorrow between 4-5, so if my readers (all two- three? four?- of you) are so inclined, please pray extra hard then!:)

Speaking of praying extra hard- this morning I woke up to a phone call from the adoration coordinator who kindly reminded me that I'd agreed to adoration today at 11 AM, I was just fervently grateful I hadn't agreed to 8AM, because I'd completely forgotten I'd signed up for it at all... Did I ever feel stupid... I'd signed up for it because I thought I'd be living with the CC Girls by now, but I'm not yet. I need to call them and tell them it'll be Wednesday, because I really feel bad that I haven't moved in by now.

Two reasons- right, the one I mentioned earlier was the landline. The other is the rather spontaneous SW RPG we've finally started up. We had our first session today and I think it went rather well. No one fell asleep or poked gigantic holes in the plot, so I was pleased. It entertained me too, although I still infinitely prefer being a player than Games-Mistress. So we had this session today, we'll have one tomorrow and maybe one Wednesday night if JC will drive me home afterwards and the CC Girls don't mind me coming home 'late'. 

What else? I talked to JPost today (I think I gave her a different designator earlier) and she told me that TBro is meeting with a recruiter tomorrow about joining the Air Guard. She's really pushing for me to just get it over with and join the AF, have some direction in life. Direction would be nice. And PeaceCorps makes you wait between 6mons. and a year to process your application with no guarantee that you'll get to do what you want to do.

Why doesn't anyone just get it that I want to start teaching this fall? I know you can't always do what you want, but I still think that this is one of those happy coincidences where what I want is also what God wants for me. I hope. I guess I'll find out. I prayed for a lot of things today in the adoration chapel during my Holy Hour. One of them was that I'd have a better sense of gratitude when things work out smoothly. I definitely think that if nothing else, coming out of this experience as a whole, I ought to have that. This is a great opportunity for me to grow.

So why does it seem like I'm doing a lot of whinging about everything?

I guess it's growing pains. I don't remember them very much, but I do remember the first time I 'clicked' my knee. It really hurt! But it's just part of getting older. So is out-growing one's favourite shirts and trousers- that I really do remember. It occasioned a yardsale.

Speaking of yardsales, I have a fair amount of work to do on that. I think I'll head home this Saturday, unless I've managed to land a job between now and then that requires Saturday work. I'm still out of work. That's depressing. At least I have good food for now, TBro's stockpile of soup has definitely come in handy, as have JPost's odds and ends.

So like I said earlier, I'll try to post pictures soon. B, I have some very amusing ones of your former roomies! J-chan, MW managed to get a few amusing ones of me. Anyone else reading this- I don't know what you'll make of the craziness but I hope you'll enjoy it!

Corpus Christi Procession and Memorial Day Cookout!

Today was busy and fun for the most part. It's late (not quite late, late, but pretty late) and I'm kind of tired. I went to the 12.30 Mass, and the Corpus Christi procession- I wish I had pictures of it, it was really cool! All the townies stared and we had a good time processing, except for not being able to hear the choir. They really should have been dispersed throughout the crowd instead of all at the front. But it was really great anyway. And then Mom called during benediction. I had turned off the ringer for the procession, but like an idiot I turned it back on again when we got back to St. J's. Oh well. So I wanted to make sure the house hadn't burned down in my absence and returned her call. I talked to her for less than two minutes but it was sufficient to take away (nearly) all peace of mind and happiness that I had only a few minutes prior. I need to work on that. I know I do. It's just incredibly frustrating that such a short conversation can be so upsetting...

Oh well.

Coffee and icecream was just what I needed after that conversation and I had both- with caramel! Much happiness! Then we headed back and lots of other things happened, which I shall recount tomorrow.

There was a lot of other people complaining about jobs/coworkers and I must admit I did my best not to listen too hard in those parts... A few more people have said they'll pray for me and at least one person is going to see if they can find someone who has a job that they'd give me. Still need to email the lady in Colorado again. And contact my loan company first thing on Tuesday to see what things they'll allow me to defer payment for.

The Dignity of Work

So I've prayed, and I've applied, and I've waited and I've blogged. In short, I've done everything I can think of short of standing in downtown FR with a sign saying "Will work for minimum wage". So I'll blog some more in hopes that if I go on enough about the dignity of work, I'll end up getting some completely boring, menial job that I'll hate with every fiber of my being and be able to write another blog post recanting everything I'll write below. Let's see what happens.

The Dignity of Work

Work has dignity. Man is made to work. God didn't tell Adam to just lounge around the Garden of Eden, I'm sure God gave him a 'To Do' list. And I'm equally sure that Adam appreciated it. Because really there are few things more satisfying than being able to say you've managed to do everything you planned to and needed to in a day. But there are different degrees of satisfaction of course. There's the satisfaction of having finally finished a 10.5 hour day at a factory and being able to sit down and not think about parts any more, to be done, and to not give a darn about seeing anything work related for at least another twelve hours.

There's the satisfaction of cleaning out a drawer, or a room in your house that really needs an overhaul- throwing out the rubbish, organising the stuff you want to keep, and pruning the bookshelf, if absolutely necessary. That's the sort of satisfaction you get as you look around your cleaned up room and know where absolutely everything is.... only to know that by the end of the month, you will definitely have to tidy up again- at least if you're anything like me.

And there's the satisfaction of doing something you really enjoy for about eight hours, and coming back to a place that is home (home for me is qualified as anywhere I will be living for 90 days or more) and making yourself dinner and knowing that you'll meet your loan payment and the rent.

Yeah. This last kind of satisfaction that has to do with the dignity of work is going to be the hardest to obtain.

JC (who is not the same as J-chan, by the way) suggests that I join the PeaceCorps. I thought about that in August last year. And truth be told, I'm still thinking about it, but only if all of my other options really run out. It is, however, currently higher on my list than joining the AF. Even though I really won't be making money, they give you 6,000 at the end and you can frequently defer your loan.

Anyway... 

Work has dignity. Even lousy 9-5 bean-counting or burger-frying. It's still better than being unemployed.

I have somewhere to live for the coming month, and I have my health. Both of these are important assets.

I will try to post something more cheerful on this blog, eventually. JC says if I just make it through this next month, things will be better. I'm not entirely convinced but I'll do my best. I just need something to work out. I've been saying this for a while now. It's still true.

Non nobis Domine.

Moving Day- and waiting for the phone to ring...

So today I boxed up everything that I had at the flat. K-jski has kindly offered me the loan of her room, so if I don't get the job, I'll stay with her until Monday, just to make sure that I'll only be paying a month's rent at the new place. I left my essential stuff and some food in her room. Everything else went to the new room at the CC-girls' house by the church. Later today I'll move the futon and my dresser there. It will be nice to not have to pay (anything beyond utilities) to do laundry in the comparative comfort of an actual home. And that will be nice, living in a home-like place. It's a nice little house. If I can borrow MW's camera, I might post some pics of it.

On a slightly alarming note, I can't seem to find my earphones... This is not good. I really hope I didn't leave a pocket in my backpack unzipped and they fell out!! Argh...

Oh well.

I emailed home too, thought I might as well keep them posted as to my whereabouts/ job-searching. T-bro goes offline on FB every time I try to talk to him. Maybe it just seems like that... 

I saw Dr. K today and talked to her briefly. I told her my situation and she had promised her prayers. I don't know if she quite understood exactly how unexpected and out-of-whack things have been for me, but that's okay. She promised me her adoration hour today, for my intentions, and I really appreciate it!

I have just been not-invited somewhere. It's awkward, I guess. I'm sitting here like the ghost of a senior who hasn't graduated, and life goes on around me. Admittedly the girls in question don't know me very well/at all. But they invited someone who I do know, who's sitting right across from me and even though I do look like I'm completely busy with MacAlister, I still possess a keen sense of hearing. I really hope I haven't done anything like that recently- I know it wasn't intentional, but it still is awkward when there's someone who isn't getting the invite that everyone else is. I know it's nothing personal.

Resolution- I will try to make sure that I never do this. I know I'm being hyper-sensitive because I'm uncertain about my plans for the future and I'm a bit lonely. But I shouldn't be. I can always talk to MW when she's off work and I had a great time last night with some of the workstudy students. All right. End of topic!

In other news:

Today is a really nice day! It's finally stopped raining around here! Wow, what an original change of topic... 

Maybe I'll post something later today/tonight if I get the job.

Thursday- Job Interview!

So, today I got up (after much insistent and repetitive piano-playing upstairs- won't miss that at all!), ate breakfast and started walking to campus. As I started to pray my rosary, my cellphone rang- it was the guy from Radio Shack calling to schedule a 'preliminary interview' thing. So I set that for 5.30, then arrived on campus, and checked my email. I had another offer for a summer aupair job, but it was only 200/wk. So on the advice of those better at maths than I am, I declined. I will know by 3-ish tomorrow afternoon whether or not I have a job at Radio Shack. To hedge my bets, I turned in my applications for all the other places, the applications I picked up yesterday. But I really hope I get the job at Radio Shack, I'd infinitely prefer that to some of the other options (Dollar Store, K-Mart, BK)! Prefer, yes, but I wouldn't turn those other options down if they were all that stood between me and having to move back home.

I'm compiling a list of things I left behind that I really need to get eventually. Among them- my blankets/pillows, a portable tape-player, a full-sized towel, and a few more tee-shirts. I might try to make a trip out there. Maybe... We'll see. Depends. Gas prices being what they are, that might not happen. I need more people I know with cars.

Oh yes, and my new word- bizalom- is actually quite a familiar one, trust! Thanks for the new vocabulary, B!:)

So things might be a bit tight for the month of June, but it looks like I'll make it. If I don't get the Radio Shack job, there are always the half-dozen other places I applied to. Things will work out. Somehow.

FB chat is good, I've been able to talk to J-chan and Sophomore Year Roomie (SYR)

Oh, and at the earlier suggestion of B, I shall include the saint of the day! For about 53 more minutes, the saint of the day is ...

St. Rita of Cascia!

!!!

Wow! Talk about timing! She's the patroness of hopeless causes, co-patroness of St. Jude... This will teach me to leave off looking up such things (and posting on my blog) at the last possible minute!

Wow... This is special. This is one of those moments where I really feel like I'm getting some direction, or at least some extra attention from Upstairs. :) I'll do my best to hold onto this and the other times that things like this have happened. I don't know exactly what it means or how it all fits together, but I do know that it means something.

Sorry that's all so vague, but it makes sense to me. Kind of...

Pax et bonum

Housing! Also: Imrama are not cruises.

In the metaphor of imrama, f I wanted to know where I was going, I could have taken a cruise. Cruises are (here I'm relying on the wisdom of others, having never been on one myself) kind of boring. After you've seen all there is to see on the ship, you're stuck on it until you get where you're going.

The extreme alternative of the imram-goer is not boring in the least. But sometimes you'd rather not know exactly how much wood is keeping you from floating directly on the water. By calling this blog what I did, I either anticipated or asked for the extra trouble inherent in imrama. And I'm working on remembering that more often and worrying less often.

That's my mini-reflection for the day.

I'm getting more job applications on the van run today. The way I figure it, I need to find something between now and June 1st. But the date is a little arbitrary and I wouldn't be surprised if I hit rock-bottom on June 1st only to get three job offers on June 2nd.

On the definite upside, I have acquired somewhere to live, at least for a month. I saw Prof W, meant to talk to him about housing possibilities over the summer, but as he was sprinting towards his car as though his life depended on it, I thought I might as well find/call him later. 

My Aunt L, the black sheep of the family, called me today. I filled her in on all of the details. She was kind of blown away by it all, but she says I'm tough and I'll manage. I'm amazed at how confident some people are about my confidence!:) They're more confident than me sometimes!

Anyway, she says she feels very bad for me and that she doesn't want to interfere in family business. I don't blame her, and I don't want to make things worse between my mom and her. She does want my address so she can send me food- she's afraid I'll starve! I have no intention of starving. But it has been proven that you can live on almost nothing but ramen!:)

In other news, I'm helping a friend proof a script. Between that, applying for jobs, trying to learn Hungarian, and watching anime, I can almost fill up my time. At this point, money aside, I need something to do so I don't die of boredom!

In slightly random news, my two most often used keywords are 'determination' and 'summer plans', for a total of 9 times each. The runner up is 'family issues'.

At some point in time, I will figure out how to fix comments for my blog. I was pretty sure I'd enabled 'all' and 'liveID' whatever that is, but maybe I forgot to...

And I have a new word 'bizalom'.

>Bolyongok goes to hunt for the dictionary<

20 May.. post?

At least I'm writing this on the right day. And yes, I'm post-dating it. Darn not having internet at the flat! And darn having a lousy memory sometimes.

Still, as my penance I shall at some point in time upload some photos, and attempt to make a decent post.

Today I applied to Peebles, Dominos' and Sunoco. I picked up a job app. for Bath and Body and heard more from the family in Colorado. They'd want me to start in late June. After J's wedding. That would really be ideal... The problem is employment between now and then... I hope this problem will be resolved soon.

MW is over for a visit tonight and we had baked shrimp for dinner! It was tasty, but not quite enough ballast for the cider we drank! Oh well. We watched 'Break Out' too, found it on crunchyroll.com. It was fun to watch a second time but I probably wouldn't watch it again. I also didn't remember that it had so much swearing in it. Oh well. 

Still job-searching

So far today I have:

Added 3 families to my Hotlist on greataupair.

Applied through 'Catholicaupairs' (but it looks a bit... cheap. L60 a week?)

Mailed thank-you notes from graduation

Talked to The Registrar.

The Registrar was helpful, he listened sympathetically and said that he's rooting for whatever God wants me to do. I can't really ask for more than that. I just hope that everything works out the way God does want it to work. I need something to work out. And I need to be sure that I don't want my particular plans to work out just because they're mine. I don't think that's the issue here, but I need to make sure I'm clear on this.

I want to teach overseas. I think this is what God wants me to do. I'm going to work like it all depends on me, and pray like it all depends on God.

And I'll allow myself an 'if'. If things don't work out, I promise myself I won't think that everything I want to do is doomed to failure. There is such a thing as unfortunate coincidence.

My next goal for the day- talk to the former CC girls about living with them for some/all of this summer. If the aupair jobs don't work out...

A Full Week

It's been a whole week now since my summer plans changed drastically. I thought I knew where I was going and what I was doing. Since then, I've had a rather severe shake-down of plans. I've applied for a lot of jobs, I've prayed, I've written emails and I've slept. I had a lot of profound thoughts about all of this last night as I was brushing my teeth- no paper or pen close to hand, so these profound thoughts were only remembered as being moderately profound. I think. I hope. I'm not sure. Oh well.

Something I can definitely talk about- 

Prince Caspian!

I liked it! It wasn't the best movie I've ever seen in my life, but if I had a positive cashflow, I would definitely see it in theatres again! I'd probably rate it 7/10. They took some liberties with the plot, but honestly I think that PC was a bit weak in the plot department. Someone said that it was like the "Little Golden Book of Gladiator", but I disagree. True, the single combat and the bit with the guy getting decapitated were a bit strange because there wasn't any blood, but I didn't really mind that, it was just a sort of 'minor point of realism' that they decided to conveniently ignore.

One thing that bothered me more though was Aslan's How(e?). It was taller than I expected it, but I didn't mind that. What I did mind was that deep below it was the Stone Table, in a room with elaborate carvings on the walls. At one point, Peter says "It's a tomb." But that wasn't the first thing I thought of when I saw it! I thought "It's a church," because there's this carving of Aslan in the middle, there's the Stone Table (altar) in front of that, and there are carvings of other Narnians on either side. Church. Image of Christ, altar, images of saints.

I dunno. It just didn't scream 'tomb' to me. You could argue that 'church' isn't the most obvious of connections, and it would be weird to have Peter say 'It's a church', but still...

The Caspian/Susan thing was rather pointless, but oh well. It's Disney, I guess they felt there had to be a love story. And on the up side, it gives the fanficcers something to write besides... well, besides the tripe they're already writing. Hurt/comfort is now a genre of fanfiction.net. Arrgh. Oh well. As long as it's not slash, I don't mind some h/c now and then, but I'm not really comfortable with calling it a genre. h/c for its own sake too often ends up being PWP? (Plot? What Plot?)

Oh. I almost forgot to mention a neat thing. A man at the movie theatre commented on my tee-shirt, the 'Restore all things in Christ' tee-shirt. He's an Evangelical, his daughter goes the school I did my teaching practicum at and I told him the short version of my story- I think God wants me to teach in Hungary and I'm having some (generic) difficulties getting there. He said he'd pray for me, and that he's sure things will work out. Just the confidence he had was very nice, as was the promise of prayers. I really appreciated that.

It's neat little things like this that really give me a much needed lift when this is all getting depressing.

So, my plans for the day include having tuna for dinner, going to bed early and maybe watching a fun movie. 9AM tomorrow will see me back somewhere with internet access and a landline, back on the job search.

Prayers greatly appreciated!

I missed a day!

But considering I have been posting every day and that I was very busy yesterday (and highly dependent on the schedules of others), it's not so surprising and I don't feel very bad about missing it.
So I kibitzed with FormerRoomie (who is until the 23rd of this month, CurrentRoomie), and it was nice to get a perspective from a slightly more objective point of view. But whether or not we're paid up through the end of the month, I have to be out of the appartment by the 23rd. And I'm on my own, more or less, for this weekend. Maybe I'll get to see Prince Caspian. That would be nice! So I'm working the job search- I have things to reply to on the aupair site and a possible lead on an au pair job in Belgium. I really hope things work out. Really, really hope that something works out because if it doesn't, AF here I come. It's been great to be out of the house. I hate to say it, but it's true. I had my first night of good sleep in a week last night. I slept like a log. Maybe I won't be sleeping so well if I don't have something more definite by Wednesday, but we'll see. I have a fair number of leads to follow, and I'm praying and have the prayers of others backing me up. I have rediscovered something important for imrama- remény.
B, if you're out there, how do you say "I have hope"? Is remény the stem form?

So after all the angst, a lighter post- a summary of my day yesterday:
Got up at 5.40, caught the 6.29 bus to DC, arrived at Metro Center at 7.45, and rode the Metro back and forth from Rosslyn to Vienna until almost 10!
Heh... It was either that or go out to stand on the platform in the rain. That didn't seem like as much fun as riding on the nice, dry Metro. So I got my $4.25 worth!

"Leavin' on a Metro-train,

don't know when I'll be back again"- as the song (slightly modified) goes. But it fits kinda. Tomorrow I will be getting up at 5:45, to catch a 6.29 bus to Metro Center and from there to VFax. There I will be met by FormerRoomie and we will have time to chat, for quite some time and hopefully I'll be able to get a sounding on my current situation from someone a little more detached. Between now and then, I have a fair amount of packing to do. I've gone over imram plans more times than I want to think about with the parents, but nothing I'm saying/doing/showing them is convincing them for very long if ever. But something useful did come up today. I asked my mom if she ever had peace about my trip. She said she did- two weeks ago. I thought a bit and I realised that there was a set of prayers that I had stopped saying about two weeks ago. I've still been praying about all of this, but when my plans are completely ruined, it takes me a little while to recover from the shock of things going not as planned. It takes a slight break in the storm before I can be calm enough to pray a bit. I know that's something I need to work on. I really do think that this is something God wants me to do. And if He doesn't, I know He'll let me know.

So, back to packing... I have a lot of things I need to get rid of altogether.

Leaving tomorrow- FormerRoomie, B, J-chan, The Registrar, if any of you are out there/reading this, please keep me in your prayers!

Best laid plans

So I'm not going to NY. This is because J-chan's grandparents don't have enough room in their flat to accommodate me long term. I can understand that. And I'm glad I thought of a few backup plans. But once I run out of those, I don't know what I'm going to do. I hate having this feeling of uncertainty, but in a way, that's what imram's all about. I need to keep remembering that.

So why does one imram? Why does one do something so strange and potentially life-threatening (nb- I'm not saying that teaching overseas necessarily fits either of those two criteria, but this is for the sake of continuing with the metaphor)?

Because you think it's what God wants. And I do. I still maintain that if He doesn't want me to go, I won't be able to go. In exchange, or perhaps I should say consequentially, I will do everything I can to make this happen. I will make the effort to make this happen. And if God doesn't want it to happen, it won't. 

So I'll be going back to FR a lot sooner than I thought I would. I'm going back with a place to stay until the end of the month, in cramped quarters and at the gracious invite of former roomie. Granted, I'm paid up through the end of the month, but I really didn't think I'd be back. At all. If I had, I wouldn't have packed/not packed the way I did. 

I hate this feeling of uncertainty, it's a lot harder to deal with here and now than it was in my other experiences of plans changing up quick and fast. I know I need to trust more, but it's so hard when it's not just me saying "Okay, I'm sure there's a way that this will work out." It's me saying that and three other voices coming back loud and clear with "No! Get real, this isn't going to work!"

And like I said, I'm having a hard time trusting that it'll all turn out all right. But it's one step at a time, one day at a time and I think by this time next week things will be better, either because they're actually better or because I'll be more used to the sea-sick feeling this imram is giving me.

I am grateful to my friends who are keeping me in their prayers. I want you all to know that those prayers are a tremendous help to me- please don't stop praying that God's will, whatever it is, is done.

Still alive.

Blogger ate my post. I had something intelligent to say, I promise. A bit mundane, but intelligent. So, yeah. I hate the library internet connection. And I hate not realising that they had wireless. So I could have been writing this on the infinitely more reliable MacAlister. Anyway. Driving B to the airport today. Going to have many more 'discussions' with all and sundry, today and probably for the rest of the week. Talking to the loan company when I have cell phone reception etc. etc.
Had more to say but it's not worth the effort if this gets eaten too!

Keeping current

Still imram-going. Still determined. Still going to make this work. I need to do this, and it really seems like some of the people who are trying to stop me don't get that. But I won't be irresponsible, I will make the payments I have to make, and I will keep the stupid loan current. I really don't care if it does take me 20 years to pay back. If I incur other obligations in the next 20 years, I'll make sure that things get balanced. And in the mean time, I'll try to keep it together.
TRA, you've been a great encouragment to me and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!When I get where I'm going, I'm taking you and B out for coffee.
If anyone's reading this blog, please keep me in your prayers.
How's this for a short, not very quality post?
In lighter news, I played mancala last night for the first time in multiple years- probably about 8-10 years when I think about it. And I'm hopefully going DDRing today!!

Nearly capsized and a string of pearls

Well, the first refers (almost no surprise in some ways) to how my little imram is getting a severe beating from the waves. So no TESOL classes starting tomorrow. Delays, as it were, due to weather. Thunderstorms, lightening, the works. And out on the waves is an idiot on a raft. No, not an idiot. Am imram-goer. Not stupid, but definitely not clever in the conventional sense. Not clever in the nine-to-five sense. I don't need to be prodded to get from point A to point B. I have a different itinerary- something like from point Z to Q. I don't know. It's definitely not going to be boring.

So what does Bolyongok have on this trip besides the bare essentials (to be listed at a later date/time)? A string of metaphorical pearls. The graduation address yesterday talked about pearls, and for those who were there and were listening, that's enough of an indicator about what today is like and what tomorrow will be like, etc. Maybe things will be looking up by the weekend.

"Happy feast of Pentecost!" I shout into the void of cyberspace and listen, impressed, to the echoes.

Graduation and Reexamining The Concept of Imram

So now I have a title that sounds like a thesis. I'm moderately haunted by theses it seems, just because I read everyone's thesis titles in the program. Oh, and MW's computer is now named Rufina. I helped with that. St.Rufina's feastday is April 6th. She is a fourth century Spanish saint.

Maybe I should ask her help on some more serious issues. So today I graduated with a BA in English Language and Literature. Monday, I start TESOL classes. God willing.

All right, reexamining the concept of Imram. I'm no less determined than I was before, on the contrary, I'm more determined. But the whole concept of Imram is something I need to remind myself of. Okay... Here goes.

It's hard. It's incredibly hard. You make a raft out of sticks and skins. You might pack food and water if you're not ready to totally rely on Divine Providence. You might just pack a fishing line and hope for the best. You don't have a paddle, or a rudder, or a sail. You push off into deep, dark, cold waters. Uncharted territory. You might not ever come back. And you take a deep breath and say "Non nobis Domine."

And you're off.

See, the imram-going individuals didn't usually have families. They were frequently religious of various orders. They'd renounced everything to follow where they thought Christ wanted them to go. I don't know if my landbound-imram is what God wants for me, but I seriously think it is. Part of the challenge is not being one hundred percent sure. But I'd say I'm somewhere in the high eighties- low nineties as far as certainty goes. And I can count on it that if He doesn't want me doing something He'll put His foot down. But it'll be Him, not my family. 

I understand the concept of responsibility. I have been and will continue to be responsible. If I am making the minimum loan payments every month, that counts as being responsible. So far the poll is split nearly 50/50, two for, two against. 

No one ever said it was going to be easy sailing. There are choppy waters, there is freezing rain, and there are huge waves that threaten to sink the imram-bound. But the essential thing is to trust that His plan is good.

Non Nobis Domine!

Blogger hates me... It has taken me about five minutes to copy and paste this in because it's being weird.

Anyway...

Don't go unglued, don't go unglued... Keep it together for a few more hours.

If I tell myself this for long enough, maybe it'll all work out. Maybe. I just got off the phone with my mom. Such phone calls are bad for my mental health....

She's not happy- at all. She didn't know about the deposit. She thinks I need to seriously rethink my decisions. She'd seriously rather I didn't go overseas. She is going to do everything in her power to make me doubt that this is what I'm supposed to be doing, everything she can to frighten me off from this opportunity.

I just talked to Ambrose and he told me to stick with it- to not back down an inch. And I won't. I really think I'm supposed to be doing this.

Let's run through some possible alternatives:

1. Cashiering at a grocery store down the road

No.

2. Diocesan teaching jobs

Mostly filled, and not what I want to do right now.

3. Unemployed, living at home.

No.

I don't need this stress right now. Right now I need support from my family and they're not willing to give it. I just want to make something very clear- Nowhere is the Earthly Paradise. I know that perfectly well. I know that I have bad weather and fallen human nature to deal with wherever I go. Got it. And I'm all right with that.

I'm really a little ashamed of my mom's current attitude and reasoning about this whole teaching overseas thing. You'd think that the only remotely safe place in the world was right here- and it's not! DC has a very high violent crime rate! (Shouldn't mention that since I'm supposed to be studying there for the next month) Do I care? Re: crime- bad things happen to people all the time in all kinds of places. As long as I don't wander around the streets at late hours by myself or with people I can't trust, and don't look clueless, I should be fine. 

I'm not stupid. I'm exceedingly well read and have a (too) vivid imagination. I honestly think I have a better grasp on the 'situation abroad' as she calls it, than she does- not just in Europe, but in the world in general. And she doesn't care about what I think. She's paranoid.

And I care about her, I care that she's upset. But I think I need to do this. I have been wanting to teach overseas since before the beginning of senior year.

I know sometimes it'll be hard. I know I'll get frustrated, irritated, and depressed sometimes, but I sincerely feel like this is something I need to do. So I'll make it work. I'm not going to back down from this. I'll pay them back everything I owe them if I have to sell my books and my anime to do it. I'll meet all my loan payments too.

Mass in two hours. Vesting in 1 and 1/4.

Then graduation dinner

Then Senior Slideshow

Then polite small-talk until MG and I get tired and head back for the flat where I will make my escape to sleep, to wake up, to pack a bit, to go to the actual graduation, to make polite small-talk again, to say goodbye to friends/family who came to visit, to finish packing, to go to the Graduation Dance, to go to sleep, to wake up, to wait for Bro and B to finish packing, to stuff everything into the car, to go to Mass, to (hopefully) go to Harper's Ferry and relax for a day, to spend one night at home, repack and go to class again on Monday.

Hopefully.

God guide me.

Post Scriptum: I'm posting this as I ought to be in the Chapel Crypt, getting dressed.

Thoroughly Thursday

One of those weird days where you're wondering how the next day can really be Friday. Even though Friday approaches in less than a half hour, I'm really wondering how I can really be graduating on Saturday. And so much is happening tomorrow too! There's the graduation dinner tomorrow night (must bring hand sanitiser!), and the final River, which I won't be attending because I'll be watching the Senior Slideshow. I guess I could go down afterwards, but I think I'll need all the sleep I can get. Also MG is coming, and spending the night and she'd kill me if I went down to the River.

But enough about tomorrow.

Today... Today was interesting. I read part of a book this morning and tidied up around the flat (honestly, I did, it just doesn't seem to help very much). I waited forever to get the car to drive to W____ with MW, J, and B. Then on the way to, I got us lost because out of all in the car only I had ever driven to W____ before and I should have made a turn that I didn't. So we finally got to the mall, and the DDR machine was broken so J and I were very disappointed. >Sigh<. We couldn't have made up that story if we tried. About the only thing that could complete it would have been getting pulled over by a cop. Thankfully that was not on the itinerary.

But we did get back late for Professora K's dinner. All right, B- what's the proper form of address for a female teacher in Hungarian? If you're lurking out there, consider this your cue to de-lurk. ;) Any other Hungarians randomly out there can also feel free to de-lurk (Bolyongok is confident in speaking to the vast emptiness of cyberspace)

The dinner was very nice, the chicken was amazingly tender and the sauce was really, really good! The Bull's Blood is a bit of an acquired taste, but I liked it. The company was great fun, and I got an insight on college history from The Registrar. Amazingly enough, The Registrar has not always been The Registrar, at one point he was Ye Ed! 

We all talked politics for a bit, though I hope I did more listening than talking- I don't feel like I'm competent to say too much on large-scale politics as of yet. I've got the basic ideas that I think are important and beyond that I don't have a lot to say. I'd much rather listen.

What else? Well, it was a nice get-together all around, a unique combination of people that I don't think will be together under the same circumstances ever again. So I'll do my best to remember what a nice time that was! I really enjoyed it...

And now I'm going to borrow trouble and drive home in the rain. J's coming over for drinks and part of a movie. A good (if somewhat short) time should be had by all. I intend to get to bed at a semi-godly hour, especially because I have to get up relatively early tomorrow.

Wednesday- Final Finals...

Just recently finished American Novel. Feeling pretty good about it two, wrote a 4 page essay and knew all of the quotes except for one. I have a feeling I'll be more...grounded? More sober? More disappointed? after the Astronomy final, but we'll see...

TBC...

Okay. Time check. It's 10.15 PM, and it's official, I passed astronomy. I got a 'C' on the final, but I really don't care because it's over and done with- forever! And I talked to The Registrar today and found out that I also passed Metaphysics- with a 'B'!! A solid B! Not a B-, or a C, but a B! I have to bask in this undeserved grade for a moment or two...

...

Okay, I'm good now. Wow. It's all over. I don't ever have to take philosophy again if I don't want to. As of Saturday, I will have a neat-looking diploma with my name on it!! They better spell it right... I don't want to have to change my name because my college diploma lacks a consonant or two. I had a great-uncle who did that. That's the sort of people my extended family are...

So some of the results are in:

Astronomy- from the final, a C, so that's my worst case scenario.

Creative Writing- A

Metaphysics- B

Am Novel-?

Medieval Lit-? (I have a good feeling about this though- probably A- or B+)

So I might still be on the Dean's List!:) That would be really nice. 

On the agenda for tomorrow- packing, and possibly a town run if I have use of The Roomie's car.

In other good news, my friend MG is coming! Yay, MG! Haven't seen her since Christmas! Still more in the way of good news, I put down my housing deposit so I have somewhere to live for the next month! I'll be paying more than I'd like, but I think it's worth it to have a nearly non-existent commute!

And now, I'll probably return to the Senior Party!

Tiresome Tuesday

Not really tiresome as such. But I did decide to take my AmNov. exam tomorrow morning at nine and I haven't really reviewed for it at all. What I'm really dreading now (since Metaphysics is safely behind me) is Astronomy. So, late into tonight and at some point tomorrow, I will be writing extra credit for it. I'm really praying that the prof won't fail me because I have 'senior immunity'. I'm not exactly banking on it, but it would be nice. I sort of feel like I have it already because I got back two (2!) A-s today so I'm walking if not on air then in some high altitude region where I'm getting light-headed. Not exactly dizzy with success, but just a little strangely overconfident.

In teaching news, I sent an email full of questions to the head teacher of the school and am waiting to hear back from him. And TESOL classes start on this coming Monday. If previous students of this class are to be believed, it will eat my life. So this blog may become a collection of 'witty' one liners or perhaps classroom clotheslines. We'll see. If nothing else, I'll post about how horrible the commute is, then in the same sentence be grateful I can commute at all, and that I'm taking the class at all, etc. etc. I still won't believe I'm actually taking the class until about the second day of classes, nor will I believe I'm actually teaching abroad until I've landed where I'm supposed to.

Metaphysical Monday

It's nearly ten. It's two minutes 'til. When it is ten I will start studying. I will not stop until it's time for the exam. As soon as the exam is over, I will throw some dice and come back to this post.

***

All right. Metaphysics is over with, and provided I passed, I will never have to take philosophy again if I don't want to! This will be significantly more exciting once I'm certain I've passed. There are about 50 questions I'm not sure about. But there were 207 questions total. I'm really hoping I didn't make any incredibly stupid mistakes, but as long as I have passed the class, I don't care. I'll take a D at this point. If I sound desperate, it's the idea of having to put my life on hold to re-take a class I hated and didn't understand very well. I'm about 80% certain I passed it... I'll know by... Thursday? Maybe sooner. I suppose I could ask the professor in question if he could just email me. I'm not going to think about it any more if I can help it. I'm burning my notes/study guides for it tonight, so that should help, I think. I'm going to have to walk up to Shore Stop and buy myself a lighter.

So that's one die.

I also emailed Mary from CETP, that's the other one. So the dice are cast and I have things to burn. No ship burning though. That never seems to end well- see Feanor and others as negative examples.

1 die + 1 die= 2 dice. Despite the penchant many people have (I'm guilty of this too) for saying 'dice' for plural and singular.

I wish I could think of something remotely more intelligent to ramble about but I think metaphysics and the port I had to calm my nerves succeeded in rendering my brain more or less useless. So now I'm going to do something useful. I think. We'll see.

Truly, madly, deeply- in trouble. Troubles... whatever.

So I have a metaphysics exam tomorrow. A good student would prepare for it by reviewing their notes and the text at night, every night for a week prior to the exam. An average student would print it off and work on it at least two days before. I printed it off yesterday. I looked at it- once, and not all the way through- today. And I finished editing a movie.

TBC in... an hour?

Okay, so now we have a disjointed weird post because I started this before the Filmfest and now I'm finishing it. That being the case, film news takes priority.
I've decided I'm definitely not cut out to be an actress- at least not one who has to do nothing but improv. I really should have found someone else to play across from Matt, I kind of had fun doing it, but I'm really not that good and it showed big time. Original, witty dialogue? I can come up with it, if I have time to write things down in advance. Stick a camera in my face and watch me flounder horribly. Argh. So there's that.
Slightly better news- despite the initial hiccoughing SMG finally played in WMP, so everyone got to see it in all its grainy black and white glory. Again this is only slightly better news. I decided (with some help) to render it in black and white. Maybe that wasn't the best decision. SMG seemed to be received pretty well, which was nice.
Looking back on the whole project, I learned a lot from it, and there were times I really enjoyed it. There were also times I really started to dislike it. But it's complete and that's what really matters. Nothing is more maddening than a perpetually unfinished project- and it's not that I need an ego-boost of "I did it". It's that it wouldn't be fair to everyone who worked so hard in it to leave it half-finished. So it's done.
Bring on the exams? Whether I'm ready or not, here they come again, as it were. I have the feeling that all of the rest of them will make the first one look even more like the over-sized quiz that it was. I'd like to stay on the honour roll. All I need to do that is a 3.25. I'm currently the possessor of a 3.44. If I do poorly in metaphysics and astronomy, I'll probably lose it. At least I don't have a scholarship riding on this. I guess if it boils down to it, I don't care what sort of grade it is as long as it's passing. How depressing...
I'm so ready to be done here.
And I still don't have somewhere to live in/around DC.
And I don't have a ride home. Time to go look for a charitable, car-owning individual. Sometimes I really don't like living off campus.

Saturday. Sunshine. Study Guides...

So the weekend is half way over and my final is creeping closer like a scary thing ready to pounce... They seriously could make a horror movie about the Metaphysics Monster. It corners students and asks them about being and existence and if they answer wrong, they're told that they are contingent, not necessary being. Then the Metaphysics Monster eats them. Yep. Horror movie, I tell you. Rated R for violence.
Speaking of movies, R rated or otherwise, tomorrow I will finish my year-long project, "God willing and it don't rain"- as the saying goes. Though it's usually "And the river don't rise," and neglects to mention rain. But I don't really care about the river rising right now, I don't need to go over the Low-water bridge.

Out of my list posted yesterday of things that I would be doing, the following have happened:
Went to the Dance Under the Stars
Went to the River
Studied for metaphysics (though I will study more as soon as I stop writing this entry)

These things will happen soon:
Going into town

These things will happen (provided all goes well) tomorrow:
Film the rest of the movie
Edit the movie for Sunday
Go to Mass
Study for Metaphysic.

Eating a grilled cheese sandwich has been postponed indefinitely.

So, last night I went to my last River- maybe my last River ever, certainly my last for quite some time. I reflected, though not very deeply, about Rivers I went to in previous years. I'm sure I'm remembering things better than they actually were, but... maybe I'm not? Either way, I remember nights when we were so loud we could be heard from the path before you crossed the creek. Nights that the police barge went by and we sang even louder- probably a bit stupid, but very satisifying. Nights where I didn't just sit down on a log and stare at the fire for the whole night- I sang every other song because I knew every other song, and I toasted marshmallows and was a happy little sophomore. But things changed. People graduated. The dynamic of the group shifted. It will never be what it used to be for me. And when it was so great it hardly ever occurred to me that things could be so different.
Okay, getting far too angsty/serious here!:)
It was nice while it lasted, and now it's gone. I just have to remember the good times I had and forget about the rest until I need the information therein as incontrovertible proof that nothing lasts forever. And I have enough things to remind me of that for now. Still, I can look back at this part of my past as a door I didn't slam shut, but left open just a crack. Later, much later, if I want to, I can stop by and see how things are going.
Anyway. Stayed up until late last night/this morning and it was nice. B, if you're reading this, you're a good conversationalist- that's the best mix of listening/talking I've had in a while. :)

Went to Shield this morning, no turn arounds. But you never know what your presence means, or how much your prayers can help people, so you have to resist the temptation to quantify and make 0 turn-arounds = 0 progress. Again, all kudos to brave K who does side-walk counselling, and to the tireless (so long as he's not 'tire'-less;)) PW who inspires his followers to come again and again.:)

Right. Now I have some metaphysics studying to do, and some underclass(wo)men to hang out with. And a movie to edit. My life will not be dull.
And if B or anyone else in the wide vastness of the blogosphere is reading this, please feel free to leave comments, cryptic or otherwise.

1st Exam

It was a lot less painful than I feared it would be. I think there were maybe 3 or 4 questions I didn't get, but other than that, it went well. So Metaphysics is up on Monday, and between now and then I will probably...

Go to the Dance Under the Stars

Go to the River

Film the rest of the movie

Edit the movie for Sunday

Eat a grilled cheese sandwich

Go into town

Go to Mass

Study for Metaphysic.

Hopefully not in this order.

Right, so returning to the thought I closed with last time, landbound or landlocked? Either is technically correct, I think. But the more I look at it, the more I think it ought to be 'landlocked'. And maybe I should have put imrama, not imram. Because imrama is the plural...

I refuse to think about this any further. I put down landboundimram and it gets the idea across. 

Today I got a lot of things accomplished- one exam done, three to go. I also helped film a movie. I hate seeing myself on screen. It's worse than photos. At least with photos people can't hear how awful you sound. But the other participants did a great job.

In other news, certain of my friends have been stepping on the toes of certain other friends of mine. It's stupid, it's petty and I think it's a bad case of senioritis gone minorly explosive. If they can just stand each other for ten more days, we can all graduate without anyone getting arrested for assault/battery. I sympathise with one party and think that the party of the second party ought to have kept their mouth shut if they had nothing nice to say at all. Why do people have to be so petty? We're graduating college, not primary school!

It's only my problem in so far as it involves my friends and acquaintances. And I won't dignify it all with further time/space on my blog.

In other news, I saw Csinibaba and realised the severe lack of context (and vocabulary) I have. It reminded me vaguely of watching anime for the first time. So, if this case is anything like that, six years from now I will be able to watch a Hungarian movie and get most of the cultural references and 'in' jokes, some of the words (1 in every fifty and I'll still prefer to have subtitles), and basic sentence structure. Of course I didn't actively study Japanese, I sort of studied it passively. Maybe given something of an immersion environment I'll attain the same level of comprehension in about 3 years. Maybe I'm being optimistic. Maybe not. Either way, the last van run of the semester is about to happen and I have a rent-check to cash, so forthwith I shall conclude.

Study Day

So, they gave us a day to study. And did we? Sort of. I will keep this post short for two reasons. First, I ought to go study.
Second, this is one of the worst keyboards I have ever used in my life. I literally have to pound the keys to get them to work. Some are fine but others stick really badly.
I had a lot I wanted to write, most of which I forget right now. The main idea was that only four finals stand between me and graduation and I just sent out my graduation announcements today...
My first final is in about twelve hours. And I'm spending time posting this. So, I'll leave you with my final thought of the evening-
Landbound or landlocked? More on this later.