So why does one imram? Why does one do something so strange and potentially life-threatening (nb- I'm not saying that teaching overseas necessarily fits either of those two criteria, but this is for the sake of continuing with the metaphor)?
Because you think it's what God wants. And I do. I still maintain that if He doesn't want me to go, I won't be able to go. In exchange, or perhaps I should say consequentially, I will do everything I can to make this happen. I will make the effort to make this happen. And if God doesn't want it to happen, it won't.
So I'll be going back to FR a lot sooner than I thought I would. I'm going back with a place to stay until the end of the month, in cramped quarters and at the gracious invite of former roomie. Granted, I'm paid up through the end of the month, but I really didn't think I'd be back. At all. If I had, I wouldn't have packed/not packed the way I did.
I hate this feeling of uncertainty, it's a lot harder to deal with here and now than it was in my other experiences of plans changing up quick and fast. I know I need to trust more, but it's so hard when it's not just me saying "Okay, I'm sure there's a way that this will work out." It's me saying that and three other voices coming back loud and clear with "No! Get real, this isn't going to work!"
And like I said, I'm having a hard time trusting that it'll all turn out all right. But it's one step at a time, one day at a time and I think by this time next week things will be better, either because they're actually better or because I'll be more used to the sea-sick feeling this imram is giving me.
I am grateful to my friends who are keeping me in their prayers. I want you all to know that those prayers are a tremendous help to me- please don't stop praying that God's will, whatever it is, is done.
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