Blogger hates me... It has taken me about five minutes to copy and paste this in because it's being weird.

Anyway...

Don't go unglued, don't go unglued... Keep it together for a few more hours.

If I tell myself this for long enough, maybe it'll all work out. Maybe. I just got off the phone with my mom. Such phone calls are bad for my mental health....

She's not happy- at all. She didn't know about the deposit. She thinks I need to seriously rethink my decisions. She'd seriously rather I didn't go overseas. She is going to do everything in her power to make me doubt that this is what I'm supposed to be doing, everything she can to frighten me off from this opportunity.

I just talked to Ambrose and he told me to stick with it- to not back down an inch. And I won't. I really think I'm supposed to be doing this.

Let's run through some possible alternatives:

1. Cashiering at a grocery store down the road

No.

2. Diocesan teaching jobs

Mostly filled, and not what I want to do right now.

3. Unemployed, living at home.

No.

I don't need this stress right now. Right now I need support from my family and they're not willing to give it. I just want to make something very clear- Nowhere is the Earthly Paradise. I know that perfectly well. I know that I have bad weather and fallen human nature to deal with wherever I go. Got it. And I'm all right with that.

I'm really a little ashamed of my mom's current attitude and reasoning about this whole teaching overseas thing. You'd think that the only remotely safe place in the world was right here- and it's not! DC has a very high violent crime rate! (Shouldn't mention that since I'm supposed to be studying there for the next month) Do I care? Re: crime- bad things happen to people all the time in all kinds of places. As long as I don't wander around the streets at late hours by myself or with people I can't trust, and don't look clueless, I should be fine. 

I'm not stupid. I'm exceedingly well read and have a (too) vivid imagination. I honestly think I have a better grasp on the 'situation abroad' as she calls it, than she does- not just in Europe, but in the world in general. And she doesn't care about what I think. She's paranoid.

And I care about her, I care that she's upset. But I think I need to do this. I have been wanting to teach overseas since before the beginning of senior year.

I know sometimes it'll be hard. I know I'll get frustrated, irritated, and depressed sometimes, but I sincerely feel like this is something I need to do. So I'll make it work. I'm not going to back down from this. I'll pay them back everything I owe them if I have to sell my books and my anime to do it. I'll meet all my loan payments too.

Mass in two hours. Vesting in 1 and 1/4.

Then graduation dinner

Then Senior Slideshow

Then polite small-talk until MG and I get tired and head back for the flat where I will make my escape to sleep, to wake up, to pack a bit, to go to the actual graduation, to make polite small-talk again, to say goodbye to friends/family who came to visit, to finish packing, to go to the Graduation Dance, to go to sleep, to wake up, to wait for Bro and B to finish packing, to stuff everything into the car, to go to Mass, to (hopefully) go to Harper's Ferry and relax for a day, to spend one night at home, repack and go to class again on Monday.

Hopefully.

God guide me.

Post Scriptum: I'm posting this as I ought to be in the Chapel Crypt, getting dressed.